Monday, 5 May 2014


Once in a long while, midst a frighteningly unending storm, comes a faint glimmer of light. Miranda now focuses more readily when I eyeball her, and seems to listen to words. I can feel that she responds more to exercises that train her cognition of space and time. But she needs more time to track visitors, utter a vocal response or swallow food normally. Often sleep escapes her.  Without any feedback I've been crestfallen. Seeing no future, I wanted badly out of this. But there are glimmers of hope, just. Being immobile she faces other problems. Like an automobile, parts of a human being fail through lack of use. Her gums bled after more than two years not biting on food. Her feet developed painful corns as her brain fails to do proper pronation that we do unconsciously. For me I felt like I'm kept by my shoes! And I live on the shoestrings of hope.
9 am: A week of strenuous striving.  Standing ground in the most arduous climb against insurmountable elements. The least I could do is not to slide downhill.

Saturday May 10 10 am: Inactive hands but overactive legs bruised herself against the guard rails. Comatose patients need also to be protected from themselves. Miranda is used to protecting everyone else. Amazing that a broken pipe in the brain reversed all that.

Sunday May 18 9 pm: She tried to talk the other night, but the words came out all garbled and her eyes were looking elsewhere. 

Monday May 26 8 pm: Does she feel lonely now when sitting there awake? If so she must be more conscious of her surroundings. Without words from her cannot tell. But now she will focus on the faces of visitors - but uncommunicative. Looking at her missing left forehead can be discouraging.

Sunday Jun 1 9 am: Third night in a row - awake and softly groaning for couple hours. Surely she must be expressing her loneliness.

Friday Jun 6 9 pm: Overcoming spasms this past week - medication to reduce this brain malfunction might have caused extreme drowsiness. But she looked normal this evening.

Tuesday Jun 10 8 am: Had this inexplicable sadness. Hope she continues to improve - hands are softer these days.

Saturday Jun 14 1 pm: Still living in the subconscious, not showing awareness of people around. But I thought I saw her smile this morning.

Friday Jun 20 10 am: Her speech still slow soft uttering. But she is swallowing better. Going for a review Monday.

Tuesday Jun 24 4 pm: Vegetative for the rest of her life? The verdict from the neurosurgeon blows me off - its been more than 2 years I've been carrying her on my back. But when we reached home away from the hospital environment I could see she gave the hint of a generous smile.

Monday Jun 30 10 pm: Though unable to speak, she does value company. Seen from the look of her face when I approach her. Chest congestion, so had to clear it often.

Monday Jul 7 7 pm: Dreaded to go home and see her stricken in bed again. But this time she'll look at me, still unable to acknowledge. Fighting some bedsore rashes.

Friday Jul 25 10 am: So 3 weeks fighting chest congestion. A result of years lying on her back. These days I stand her up often to clear the chest (and also learn to manage waste - the brain has to re-learn this all over again). My legs must remain strong.

<End of Post> Next "Enduring strength"


  1. Dear Kian: A few of us in USCF-Engineering continue to uphold you and Miranda in prayer. Thank you for your example of faithfulness and hope in the Lord! Chris.

  2. Thanks Chris. Last Monday was her last day as NUS staff. Eng Soon was gracious to come see her.