Friday, 1 August 2014

Enduring Strength

"When I'm weak then my strength will be perfected"

Elsewhere in the Bible the Apostle Paul also states that his spiritual weakness made him lived like dragging a dead body around. But Miranda is not dead -  her Spirit is alive and well, she listens attentively when someone prays or read to her. If she has her mind she would do whatever it takes to end the seemingly unending burden of her illness. So even if she is not completely conscious I should take courage. And remain strong with age. But age has its weaknesses. Sometimes we need superhuman strength. Like this last two weeks of Islamic holidays for the maid. We become more creative when short-handed. Like transfer single-handed.
8 am: Still groaning or trying to express something.

Sunday Aug 10 2 pm: Tenacity from Adversity - two weeks of lone combat. There are no stock answers to to the daily obstacles - all your years of preparation spiritual or not seems mostly irrelevant, just have to get on top of problems. Whether to steady her wobbly legs, clean up the mess from a broken shit-bag at midnight, or change the bedding unaided, smelling from diapers swollen with urine, dragging her body from bed to wheelchair. Most of all need constant eye contact to keep her conscious of the real world.  But so many invisible hands at prayer and supporting. Can almost feel the encouragement.

Sunday Aug 17 10 am: Inexplicable sadness. That engulfed me this morning. I had dream of seeing her well again holding a sketch pad in her hand. "I want to experience what the resurrection of Christ is like", and she proceeded to sketch lions and other animals. She was not good at drawing. But love animals. I woke up depressed. When you lose someone that close everything else pales. Amazing that people can live themselves to death and yet not notice the depth and intricacies of our lives.

Monday Aug 25 8 am: Happy 66th! If only she would say what she wishes for.

Thursday Aug 28 9 am: Well-wishers, grateful thanks - for your visits especially, including A*Star staff and chairmen. You don't know how much a fillip you've given to a silent, odious life of care-giving. I'm sure Miranda felt it in her own way..

Monday Sep 1 noon: Found out how to reduce bed sores and fungal infection for comatose patients - transfer at their urine cycles. 5 times a day had to shift positions from lying to seating and bed and clearing the bladder at each shift. Need strong arms and backs for lifting. Three years to this day of due diligence. What is the meaning of this life?

Monday Sep 8 8 pm: How else can I stimulate her mind other than standing her up in 3 hour intervals and moving around the house? The urine cycles are also not consistent and can be really frustrating. Now the emphasis is developing her sense of time and space.

Sunday Sep 14 8 am: Yesterday she looked normal, but still unable to turn to attention. Hope she will be restored - such an encouragement for many.

Wednesday Sep 17 4 pm: The only gratifying response I have is when she looked so relieved after an exercise to flop on the wheelchair or the bed. Can almost detect a smile of content. Pray that her senses continue to recover as she sits rocking on her exercises. Only then will it speed her restoration.

Friday Sep 26 1 pm: So in order to wake up her consciousness we moved her around the house, standing as often to arouse her sense of space and time. If I don't do it who will?

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