Monday, 19 October 2015


There's nothing more to report Miranda's recovery so this blog ends. But we the readers live on. At the beginning I resolved that this catastrophe or any other personal tragedies not remain so - maybe we can turn it into a positive blessing to our lives, So what can I or others learn from a sudden death of a spouse? These sleepless nights many what-ifs floated in my mind.

Why only today do I long to be nearer and closer to treasure this blessed soul when she was around?

How can I redeem many years of neglect from now onward?

Maybe there will be others in the routine and busyness of life have gotten into personal neglect of each other - could there be an insight to gain and work on henceforth?

How can I honor Miranda and her values instead of regretting the past.

Are there any mirandas out there? Can we value them more? Can their soulmates make them happier now when she's around?

Will this be useless in this blog? Should this discussion continue? I am not sure. But I am trying to heal and the empty void is big and getting heavier. I need help. Maybe others too in future.

"While she was alive I fasted and wept, thinking who knows? The Lord may be gracious to let her live. But now she's gone can I bring her back? I will go to her but she will not return now to me. And David got up, cleaned, worshipped and ate."  - 2 Samuel 12: 22-23 (adapted)

Postscript: It has been cathartic to write "Private Thoughts" during the darkest days of my journey - now released from embargo. God used writing to keep me off the edge of insanity. Even now in the process of bereavement I've kept the personal struggle going in its update. One has to muddle through the woods of deep personal separation. Hopefully one day I can look back thankfully to have made it. Maybe others too.