Sunday, 1 September 2013

On thin ice

Staying well alive. This has become even more imperative these days. Someone said that if you damage your right leg make sure your left remains working. Because one slip from the wounded knee during physio would hurt both Miranda and myself. I once fell off the chair half-asleep, causing her to bump her head on the wall. Each day the challenge is not so much having her improve but going through the grind without mishap. The days seem endless. Its been exactly two years.
Of course the faster she improves the better. The task is to decide what to move forward. Anybody can just leave the daily routine, and everything else to the maid - she is more than satisfied not to do more than the easy things. It takes courage to break new ground - making her swallow reliably than just live on the feeding tube, or stand on both legs well enough to reduce the constant support she needs. Every week I ask myself, "What more can she do than what she can now, or what shall we try next?  Improve cognition? Or memory, or arm flexure, speech, whatever." It is easy to sink to oblivion and let life fossilize or fade away. I know Miranda will not have it. And then there are daily voices tormenting me to ask for a miracle...

8 pm: When I said her mother passed away peacefully on Friday there was no visible response. After those years listening to what she said of her mother I felt like she was right there with me at the wake. Strange.

Thursday 5 Sep 1 pm: Today I still cannot imagine - a live wire gone cold. But knowing she appreciates good food I tried feeding her a tasty soup for coke. And she's really gained weight when I made her stand on the scale. Standing exercise must have increased the bone-weight. I'm glad my legs are not weaker.

Wednesday 11 Sep noon: She looked so normal this morning, except for her deformed left brain.

Sunday 15 Sep 10 am: Her legs are stronger, being made to stand half hour daily - the minimum that a normal person should. Now to the arms and hands, hitherto little progress there.

Saturday 21 Sep 10 am: Eye contact - need more of it to revive her cognition. Visitors should try too.

Thursday 26 Sep 10 am: When her cognition returns, ever so little, so will her emotions. It will be a challenge. Yesterday when she looked at me I thought she cried. I too.

Friday 4 Oct 5 pm:  There's nothing more to do except to wait. Its the brain - all the other organs seem normal. Exercise keeps them in shape.

Thursday 11 Oct 10 am: Limbs catatonic - the positive view is her brain is trying to wake up to the motor sensors. The bad is that her brain is now unable to control her body. Her sleep cycle is also reversed.

< End of Post >   Next:The Fight


  1. Hi Kian,

    It's been two years.
    Do remain strong.
    Our thoughts are constantly with you and Miranda.

    Kong Peng & Winnie

  2. Two years... Please keep on trying, dear Miranda and Kian... We are thinking about you every day.

    With love,
    Wei-Shou's students

  3. Friends and students - Thanks for staying with Miranda all this time.